An Empowering Space

In my coaching I have come to realize how we are guided in our lives by hidden expectations and silent rules for living, all of which we are unaware.  The only way in which to make it visible is by exaggeration.  I use this as a tool with my clients on occasion to help them become aware of the thoughts they are thinking, the emotions they may be feeling and the behaviors they are choosing and hence the reality they are creating for themselves.

A scenario I may pose is:

Suppose I am from another planet where we do not worry, and I had no idea how to be worried, what would be the rules I would need to follow to become an excellent worrier, an expert in that field?

Here is what one client wrote and I would like to thank her for the permission to share it with you:

The Art of Worry

5 Guidelines That Will Aid Even the Hopelessly Happy in Effective Worrying

Given the awful polluted world we live in, coupled with the fast paced lives that technology has forced us to lead and exacerbated by decline of traditional wholesome values, it is imperative that we all aim to achieve a firm grasp on the art of worrying. For without indulging in total and complete worry, how else are we to cope with all the demands of this world?

The physical benefits of worrying are numerous: we never waste time sleeping too much, we maintain a serious demeanor (which people commonly associate with intelligence) as well as preventing you from eating too much. Absolutely great: you can become efficient and slim, all while looking intelligent, just from worry!

While reading this have you begun to worry that perhaps maybe you won’t be able attain the coveted zen like state of absolute worry? If you have, then my friend, you are already on the true path. If not however, the following guidelines will attempt to help you in your quest.

5. Dress the part…

Any sort of sleepwear is acceptable; it would be preferable to choose any clothing that does not flatter your body type. Having positive ideations about your physical appearance will only serve to deter you from focusing on the possible cancers and/or or diseases that could be inhabiting your body at this very second. Keep in mind that pretty clothes are just a ruse designed to distract you from the inevitable signs of ageing: sallow skin, graying hair, weight gain, and (I think the best) all the sagging wobbly bits.

4. Isolation and Environment

Now that you have donned your worry uniform, the next step involves placing yourself in an environment conducive to worry; such as a dark untidy bedroom. Of course no one else will be in this special worry sanctuary. Remember that isolation is an integral part of allowing the any small worry to fester into full blown deep seated worry and anxiety. Spend several hours in your worry sanctuary doing nothing except focusing on that which you are worrying. Do not do any other useful tasks and resist the urge to tidy up your surroundings. These activities will produce endorphins and will only counteract all the hard work you have already done.

3. Keeping away from temptation…

Self help books, saccharine TV preachers, overly zealous friends and family members….even Miley Cyrus music.. will all try to dissuade you from the ever reliable comfort that only true worry offers. I like to refer to these as worry vampires…sucking the worry out of any situation. Be on the lookout for these vampires. Guard your brooding moments with your life.

2. Drink lots of coffee and worry friendly foods.

Now that you have prepared your external environment such that it will be conducive to worry, it follows that we must now turn our attention to the foods that we put into our bodies so it will operate at maximum worry efficiency. Foods that slow down our metabolic rates such as fried foods and foods that cause our blood sugar levels to spike such as sweets and cakes all aid our bodies in worry. These foods help us two-fold: not only do these foods affect our body chemistry but, over time, they alter our physical appearance. Isnt’ that wonderful? Overtime eating these foods will cause expanding waistlines, a sense of remorse, shame, premature ageing, guilt…all perfect worry catalysts! Caffeine will help to curb your need to waste time sleeping.

1. Whatever you do…..DO NOT SMILE

This should be self explanatory. No matter what the circumstance it is imperative that your demeanor of worry be maintained.

I sincerely hope that this article will help you to become a better worrier and to overcome any obstacles that may prevent you from worrying.

All the best,

Safia

Two of my favourite authors and coaches are Rhonda Britten (Fearless Living) and Debbie Ford (The Shadow Effect). Both of them write about our fears, doubts, and aspects of ourselves we wish to hide.

So much of life is spent running on this never ending treadmill, trying to avoid, deny, escape certain aspects of ourselves while chasing the exact opposite to prove we are this better, good, smart, loving, creative, strong, independent, loyal, dependable, honest, generous person. When we feel badly about ourselves we start running in the opposite direction to escape these feelings, instead of being with these feelings to see what they are really trying to let us know. What messages can these emotions teach us about our true self? We run from the dark and chase the light. Yet, you could not recognize light, if you did not know darkness and vice versa.

Our emotions trigger that lightness and darkness within ourselves. Some of us are addicted to one emotion - sad, mad or glad. Sometimes we, judge, criticize, blame, and beat up on ourselves, which leads us to a very dark disempowering, uncreative space where we feel we have no choices. Our emotions trigger thoughts which then affect the actions that we will take. The key to success is awareness, only through awareness can we have choice and open up to a wellspring of creative solutions.

I was sent a wonderful set of intentions in the following Vow of Emotional Independence written by Debbie Ford in her monthly news letter, and thought I would share it with my readers. I now use this as my morning practice, where I recite these wonderful vows and intentions.

The Vow of Emotional Independence

I, (insert your name), (Lydia Mattison) am committed to living free of the strangulating grip of fear, shame, doubt, worry, anger, and sadness.

I promise to give my power to the force greater than myself rather than some food, substance, bad habit, or disempowering craving.

I will stand for my highest expression rather than allowing others’ judgments to define who I am.

I will always make sure to please and take care of myself instead of succumbing to any people-pleasing habits.

I will listen to the voice of my soul rather than listening to the voice of my critical internal judge.

I will find joy in each and every day of my existence rather than get caught up in the insanity of my world.

I will take care of my planet and let my voice be heard instead of waiting for someone else to do it for me.

I will choose powerfully each and every moment to make choices that leave me feeling inspired by myself and will graciously let go of my self-defeating behaviors.

I take this vow NOW as a positive stand for my soul’s highest expression and for every man, woman, and child on this planet today.

As I set myself free, I am freeing myself and others from the violence of my darkest thoughts, my negative projections, and my limiting self-image.

And now I ask all the powers that be to support me in living this vow each and every moment of each and every day.

As I surrender my will for the higher will, I know that I will be guided from my darkest thought to my greatest dream, from my head to my heart.

Today, I commit to living in full accordance with this vow.

And so it is.
Live as if this is your birthright and your destiny - because it is.

© Debbie Ford, July, 2010

кухненски столовеwhen I am playful and curious about myself

when I smile

when I see humour and can laugh at myself

when I spend time with my husband and children

when I allow instead of resist

when I act from love instead of reacting with fear

when i get to choose instead of have to’s and should’s

when I have a grateful heart

when I show mercy to myself rather than self-blame

when I am compassionate with myself instead of cruel and unkind

when I am honest and do not hide

when I am open to something better than feel a need to hang on

when I surround myself with small pleasures

when I look for connections versus differences

when I allow things to unfold rather than try to force an outcome

when I am open hearted

when I am present instead of lost in activity

when I am vulnerable and share my experiences with others

when I am being Awareness

when I choose peace versus conflict

when I face every challenge as a blessing in disguise

when I am still and practice silence and presence

when I breathe deeply

when I allow myself to be supported and accept help

when I allow myself time to slow down instead of leap into action

when I am open and receptive to the power of grace in my life

when I bring my mind into the present moment

when I dance sing and play

when I paint and give expression to my feelings

when I use my cards for self discovery

when I can tell myself it is all right, I understand

when I stop judging my emotions

when I forgive and let go of grudges

when I float in the ocean and imagine being one with the ocean and I can wrap my arms around the world, knowing that my feelings of love, compassion and caring go around the world and back to me

when I can see the divine in everything and everyone

What Will Matter

Ready or not,

some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises,

no minutes, hours, days.

All the things you collected,

whether treasured or forgotten,

will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power,

will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned,

or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies,

will finally disappear.

So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans,

and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important

will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from,

or on what side of the tracks you lived.

At the end, whether you were beautiful or brilliant,

male or female, even your skin colour won’t matter.

So what will matter?

How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought,

but what you built;

Not what you got,

but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success,

but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned,

but what you taught.

What will matter is

every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice

that enriched, empowered or encouraged others.

What will matter is not your competence,

but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew,

but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories,

but the memories that live in those who loved you.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

By Michael Josephson.