An Empowering Space

In my coaching I have come to realize how we are guided in our lives by hidden expectations and silent rules for living, all of which we are unaware.  The only way in which to make it visible is by exaggeration.  I use this as a tool with my clients on occasion to help them become aware of the thoughts they are thinking, the emotions they may be feeling and the behaviors they are choosing and hence the reality they are creating for themselves.

A scenario I may pose is:

Suppose I am from another planet where we do not worry, and I had no idea how to be worried, what would be the rules I would need to follow to become an excellent worrier, an expert in that field?

Here is what one client wrote and I would like to thank her for the permission to share it with you:

The Art of Worry

5 Guidelines That Will Aid Even the Hopelessly Happy in Effective Worrying

Given the awful polluted world we live in, coupled with the fast paced lives that technology has forced us to lead and exacerbated by decline of traditional wholesome values, it is imperative that we all aim to achieve a firm grasp on the art of worrying. For without indulging in total and complete worry, how else are we to cope with all the demands of this world?

The physical benefits of worrying are numerous: we never waste time sleeping too much, we maintain a serious demeanor (which people commonly associate with intelligence) as well as preventing you from eating too much. Absolutely great: you can become efficient and slim, all while looking intelligent, just from worry!

While reading this have you begun to worry that perhaps maybe you won’t be able attain the coveted zen like state of absolute worry? If you have, then my friend, you are already on the true path. If not however, the following guidelines will attempt to help you in your quest.

5. Dress the part…

Any sort of sleepwear is acceptable; it would be preferable to choose any clothing that does not flatter your body type. Having positive ideations about your physical appearance will only serve to deter you from focusing on the possible cancers and/or or diseases that could be inhabiting your body at this very second. Keep in mind that pretty clothes are just a ruse designed to distract you from the inevitable signs of ageing: sallow skin, graying hair, weight gain, and (I think the best) all the sagging wobbly bits.

4. Isolation and Environment

Now that you have donned your worry uniform, the next step involves placing yourself in an environment conducive to worry; such as a dark untidy bedroom. Of course no one else will be in this special worry sanctuary. Remember that isolation is an integral part of allowing the any small worry to fester into full blown deep seated worry and anxiety. Spend several hours in your worry sanctuary doing nothing except focusing on that which you are worrying. Do not do any other useful tasks and resist the urge to tidy up your surroundings. These activities will produce endorphins and will only counteract all the hard work you have already done.

3. Keeping away from temptation…

Self help books, saccharine TV preachers, overly zealous friends and family members….even Miley Cyrus music.. will all try to dissuade you from the ever reliable comfort that only true worry offers. I like to refer to these as worry vampires…sucking the worry out of any situation. Be on the lookout for these vampires. Guard your brooding moments with your life.

2. Drink lots of coffee and worry friendly foods.

Now that you have prepared your external environment such that it will be conducive to worry, it follows that we must now turn our attention to the foods that we put into our bodies so it will operate at maximum worry efficiency. Foods that slow down our metabolic rates such as fried foods and foods that cause our blood sugar levels to spike such as sweets and cakes all aid our bodies in worry. These foods help us two-fold: not only do these foods affect our body chemistry but, over time, they alter our physical appearance. Isnt’ that wonderful? Overtime eating these foods will cause expanding waistlines, a sense of remorse, shame, premature ageing, guilt…all perfect worry catalysts! Caffeine will help to curb your need to waste time sleeping.

1. Whatever you do…..DO NOT SMILE

This should be self explanatory. No matter what the circumstance it is imperative that your demeanor of worry be maintained.

I sincerely hope that this article will help you to become a better worrier and to overcome any obstacles that may prevent you from worrying.

All the best,

Safia

кухненски столовеwhen I am playful and curious about myself

when I smile

when I see humour and can laugh at myself

when I spend time with my husband and children

when I allow instead of resist

when I act from love instead of reacting with fear

when i get to choose instead of have to’s and should’s

when I have a grateful heart

when I show mercy to myself rather than self-blame

when I am compassionate with myself instead of cruel and unkind

when I am honest and do not hide

when I am open to something better than feel a need to hang on

when I surround myself with small pleasures

when I look for connections versus differences

when I allow things to unfold rather than try to force an outcome

when I am open hearted

when I am present instead of lost in activity

when I am vulnerable and share my experiences with others

when I am being Awareness

when I choose peace versus conflict

when I face every challenge as a blessing in disguise

when I am still and practice silence and presence

when I breathe deeply

when I allow myself to be supported and accept help

when I allow myself time to slow down instead of leap into action

when I am open and receptive to the power of grace in my life

when I bring my mind into the present moment

when I dance sing and play

when I paint and give expression to my feelings

when I use my cards for self discovery

when I can tell myself it is all right, I understand

when I stop judging my emotions

when I forgive and let go of grudges

when I float in the ocean and imagine being one with the ocean and I can wrap my arms around the world, knowing that my feelings of love, compassion and caring go around the world and back to me

when I can see the divine in everything and everyone

Wow, I cannot believe I have not written on my website since the New Year.  My word, life has been full and rich and rewarding during this time.  Life is also in transition, constantly changing, shifting, evolving.  I find myself a life long learner, noticing, with curiosity and wonder the changes within me, my family, my relationships, my environments.

For me a resurrection is a rebirth. It comes right after a process of  sifting through, a de-cluttering, sorting through what works, what is important, what  is no longer needed, a releasing, a letting go, a surrendering and a reclaiming and re-commitment to what is truly important.

A resurrection is refreshing, liberating, inspiring, enlightening.

As I get ready to renovate my home, repaint, repair and resurrect my environment to a loving, warm, inviting, relaxing sanctuary, I look around to see what no longer works for me, what is no longer needed.  My husband and I have now found ourselves as “empty nesters” - the result of bringing up our children to be independent, adventurous, and taking opportunities when and where they present themselves, living and enjoying the lives of their own creation.

With all their university fees almost behind us, we can now concentrate on us, our home, our future.  We have both dedicated much of our lives to instilling values, loving, caring, providing for and nurturing  our children to adults.

Now it is time to resurrect our dreams, re-evaluate again what is important. It is now time for our bucket list.  Here are just a few samplings from mine:

• Go on a cruise
• Visit the greek islands
• Visit Macchu Picchu
• Lead coaching workshops in Trinidad  for our youth, teachers, and parents.
• Hike to Matelot ( a tiny village on the northern coast of Trinidad)  on the northern Trail.
• Continue my enneagram training with the Enneagram Institute, and Lifewise Institute.
• Introduce the enneagram to Trinidad through a series of Enneagram Workshops
• Work with a team to bring motivational speakers to our shores to help uplift the consciousness
• Own a comfortable, relaxing beach house retreat on the north coast
• Host a weekend enneagram retreat with Russ Hudson and Gayle Scott in Trinidad
• Reconnect to wonderful authors through my radio show Empowering Space -Your Hour of Power once again
• Lose 10lbs while learning to live and eat healthy
• take care of myself - body, mind, heart and spirit because I have so much I want to be and do
• skydive
• learn to ski well
• connect with friends regularly
• see the Phantom of the Opera
• Acknowledge and appreciate others, see their gifts and strengths- develop this as a core competency in my life- see the greatness in others and meet them there.
• Spend regular holidays with my family and by extension those important people in their lives.

What’s on your bucket list?  How full is your bucket?

Please feel free to write and share on this blog by commenting on the post.

I appreciate and enjoy  the wonderful ideas that are generated through the Participation.

This week clear out of the blue, My coaching partner Georgina Terry www.bpdassociates.com gifted me with a wonderful experience. Georgina had designed a  workshop on developing Presentation Skills which she was going to present at the Commonwealth Youth Forum aboard the Caribbean Princess docked here in Trinidad for the Commonwealth Heads Of Government Meeting.  This ship was being used as a floating learning center for the youth of the Caribbean Region to discuss different topics and to offer free training and development for the youth.

Well as the story goes Georgina only found out two days before she was supposed to facilitate that the workshop was not one hour but rather one day and she could bring along other facilitators.  So she called up her Associates Kaffi Phillips and myself to see if we would be able to help at this eleventh hour. Georgina redesigned the entire workshop and here I was off to facilitate a presentation which I had not yet seen. Because coaching is my passion, I rearranged my day so that I could attend this workshop.

At 8:00am after we had breakfast I sat with Georgina and looked through the slides as the workshop was begining at 9:00am.  Slowly people started walking into the room one by one. Young people between the ages of 19 and 29. We greeted and had introductory conversations with different people as they found their ideal spot and made themselves comfortable in the room.

I do not believe that any of us in that room were prepared for the transformations that were about to take place.  Being a transformational coach, those AHA! Moments (a higher awareness)  when we stand in a truth and things can never be the same are some of the most meaningful moments in coaching.

Georgina began the introductions and began the facilitation, with everyone sharing their expectations and the ground rules- rules of engagement.  The group got very involved setting out the guidelines of how they wanted to show up in this space.

As the presentation continued the youth realized that this was going to be an extremely interactive and engaging workshop and no one would be falling asleep or have time for boredom.

We worked with them around creating a vision and reconnecting with their passion in order to develop their compelling story for their presentations. Some people got to work immediately and there was a buzz in the room but others could not remember or find something that they were passionate about. So we walked around the room and supported those who needed a little help by using empowering questions.

I noticed one person in particular who had a blank page and was staring ahead of her in thought.  I asked her if she needed some help reconnecting and she said yes.  So we sat together and I began asking her some questions helping her reconnect to the things that bring her joy in her life. She started jotting down all these ideas and then I asked her to see if she could find or make a connection between them. I asked her not to think if it was possible, but to just open up to the image and create a space for the possibility. I asked her if I could share a possible perspective and option with her.   As soon as the words came out my mouth there was a twinkle in her eye and her body shifter. She wanted to be able to write and share stories of different cultures and travel around the world doing so, and had never ever thought of that as a possibility for herself. Now she had a vision.  It was as though a light went on inside her.  I could see the energy of excitement, possibility, and passion pulsing inside her. I told her this was just one possibility and when looking at the words on her page see how she could connect them with the word and versus or and create something new and exciting.

After we had finished the exercise while Georgina was speaking two gentlemen came over to me to say that they were reporters with the BBC.  They had visited the different workshops and wanted to interview five from our workshop as this seemed like the place where people were passionate about their views. So I asked them to wait till the session was nearing and end and then I would let them speak and introduce themselves so they could choose the volunteers.

In the end everyone was connecting with their “joy juice” the energy in the room changed, people were excited to share and participate and were eager to share and receive feedback. One person shared her story and had touched on a truth of why what she was saying was so important for the youth and shared a personal story, she became very emotional and continued as Georgina and myself stood at her side.  She told a compelling story and it touched everyone in the room.   She thought she had done a terrible job, because she had gotten emotional.  I shared with the group that many of us think that power is a strength, a force, being in control of our emotions, not showing our weakness, but true inner strength comes from being able to stand in your truth no matter how difficult and share your vulnerabilities with others from the deepest places in our hearts.

At the end of the first session The BBC broadcasters stepped in and asked for people who were willing to share their stories, both the shy girl who I helped and the one who thought she had done a horrible job, were two of the volunteers that stepped into an empowering space.   I realized that as the shy girl had allowed herself the opportunity to believe in the possibility, her energy shifted and BBC reporters arrived to receive her very first story.  Validating the saying by Napolean Hill -What the mind can conceive and believe, you can achieve.

It was such a joy and privilege for me to be standing on the brink of an empowering space, witnessing these youth rediscover the passion in their hearts and their untold stories.

I was not present for the evening session as I had my radio show that evening the Power of storytelling and Kaffie Phillips took that session with Georgina.  Georgina shared with me that the stories in the end were all beautiful and inspiring.  Everyone had stepped into the empowering space of sharing their vulnerability, a truly powerful place where they stood in their truth, and were transformed as speakers, and presenters.

It was a wonderful journey from the head to their hearts.

There is nothing more moving, inspiring, or effective than speaking form the heart.

Join my guest Sheila Radha Conrad M.A. and me, Lydia Mattison host of Empowering space - Your Hour of Power as we share an insightful and transformational conversation on the Power of Communication

at 8:00pm EST Thursday 17th September, 2009

Come join in our conversation and learn to express yourself genuinely as we discover how we hide behind our language.

Have you ever noticed that most human interaction is based on enrolling people in complaints?  Complaining is such a huge part of human interaction that we are not even aware to what extent we are doing it every moment of our lives. We are either complaining about something or a complaint waiting to happen.

• I am so busy, I don’t have time to breathe.
• I wish we could get together but I just don’t know where the time goes.
• Why don’t people do their job?
• Oh my back hurts?
• Why don’t you come visit more often?
• This sun is so hot.

We relate to our complaints as though they were the TRUTH.  A complaint is a projection.  A complaint is a request waiting to happen.  A complaint is an opportunity to look at yourself. An opportunity to give what you want to receive.

Looking at your complaints, consider how your life would be without those complaints?

Consider that you can have a life free of all those complaints, what would life be like?

How can you transform complaints into possibilities?

How does our communication block us from our compassionate nature?

How can we remain present and connected during our communication?

Meet us Thursday 17th September 2009, 8:00pmEST at www.blogtalkradio.com/empoweringspace

Call in number: 347 215 8414